We Hate Zombies

Scenario:
Well, it’s tax time again and you know what that means. It’s time to head down to your local H&R Block or go to WalMart to get a copy of this year’s Tax Cut, Federal and State. You’ve got to get all of those important tax related documents ready for action and prepare for a bigfederal punch in the stomach. For those unlucky few, it is time for a date with the IRS. What do you do?

What you should do:
Listen carefully. This isn’t a post about killing zombies. It is about not killing humans who resemble zombies. The IRS is a bad place that spawn some evil, evil beings. But that does not necessarily mean that they are zombies, no matter how much they may look like one. This is where things get tricky. You have to always be prepared to defend your life from zombies but you also have to find a way to ignore the instincts that you have honed to a point. A sharp point that looks like a pitchfork.

The first method I would recommend is the cold shower method. Like the ability to feel pride with your body, searing zombie hatred shrinks with a cold shower. If the IRS are milling about in your paperwork, excuse yourself for a quick shower to rinse off the murder. When you are done, you will be to preoccupied with no balls to worry about the scary men.

If that does not work, move onto a more progressive tactic. Grab your bottle of Tylenol and start chewing. It will be bitter and it will consume all of your senses. If you don’t have any Tylenol, grab the jar of cinnamon and have a spoonful. This is a little more drastic in nature, but sometimes when you are desperate, even a grocery bag will serve as a condom if you know what I mean. Press on.

If none of this works, then its on you to figure it out. Cut yourself or burn your arm over the stove. Go dry hump a pillow or dig a hole in the garden. I don’t care what it is, just do what’s right.

What I would do:
I would be in jail because I cannot untrain these instincts. I would kill the man and then try to cover it up. The tricky part with that is that the IRS isn’t to be fucked with. I would never see the free world again.