We Hate Zombies

Scenario:
You are cruising around IMDB one night when you stumble upon something so horrible, it makes your skin crawl. The little hairs on the back of your neck stand straight up with terror and your blood chills to an ice cold 93 degrees. Uwe Boll, director of House of the Dead, is making another zombie movie. The first one was bad enough to kill. This one almost guarantees to be bad enough to kill again. Except this time the victims don’t stay dead…

What you should do:
For starters, I would remember the name of this new film and remember it well. You cannot get too excited about a movie with the name Zombie Massacre without remembering that it is visual death and damnation. (I mean, honestly. This guy’s movies are so bad they could kill a fucking rhino with rabies.) There would be nothing more tragic than to have your love of the hatred of zombies become the reason you yourself are turned into a zombie. Not only that, but you would be supporting Uwe Boll’s career by doubling his box office take. Don’t do that!

Now, I would remember to put it on your calendar. Right now it is slated for a 2010 release date, so you have some time to prepare for the apocalypse. Get some Molotov cocktails ready because you are going to want to burn down every multiplex in a one million mile radius to be sure that nobody sees this film. Also, if people are currently seeing the film, they too will be burned and there will be no zombies.

Also, have your protective fort ready. Unfortunately, you are not Santa Claus and you will not be able to deliver your package to every theater in one night. By the time you are finished, your first targets will have rebuilt. I suggest going for the small town theaters first. They are more likely to take the insurance money and run. God bless the small town.

What I would do:
I’m not saying that I would end Mr. Boll’s life or anything, but I’m just saying…

http://stopuweboll.org/

Plus I might shoot him in the face. J/K