We Hate Zombies

Title: Luncheon of the Dead (click to play)
Style: Top down strategy
Source: www.headmeatgames.com

When I was a kid, I used to have a lot of fun doing something that was one of two things: cruel or monotonous. I will never forget how fun it was to take that toad I caught and chuck him into the ditch water as hard as I could… over and over and over. The poor little guy bloated himself up with air so that he wouldn’t have to worry about trying to get to the surface but I didn’t know that. All I knew is that it was fun and the little bloated toad was cool looking.

Then again, I remember have a blast popping wheelies with my mountain bike in the park in an effort to score the longest ridden wheelie between me and my friend. We did it for hours and hours for an entire summer. The grass was gone and the little dirt path we carved into the Earth was more than three inches below the rest of the ground. It was great fun and I don’t regret any of it.

Now that I am an adult, however, I find fun in other things as well. Particularly interesting to me are games that deal with strategy. Games that use parts of the brain that aren’t entertained by violence or monotony are great fun. I feel that victory is that much sweeter when it was because the way you played your cards was so much better than the other guy that he quit and cried to his mommy. Who cares if the kid is only seven. I still beat him like a bitch.

I like playing Guitar Hero because of the monotony. I like playing Grand Theft Auto 4 because I can run up to a stranger and completely beat the crap out of him for no other reason than to watch him flop around until he doesn’t. But nothing takes the cake like Halo. I like playing Halo because it is not all about pointing and shooting first. It is about skill and strategy (I prefer double team.)

And then Luncheon of the Dead pops up. At first, I figured it would be another one of those lame violence inspired zombie games that are a dime a dozen. Yeah, I have fun with them, but once you play one, you can stop because the rest are the same with varying degrees of shitty sound. Then, when the screen loaded, I saw the layout of the game and read some instructions. I figured it would be just another one of those turret defense type games that are a blast to play, but again they are very similar. But after playing for a couple of minutes, I found out that the zombies are not corralled. They care not where the columns of debris lead them because they can just tear that shit down. Where the humans are is where the zombies try to go. Now you have to evolve your thinking and play a game of strategy. Let me explain.

You are the leader of 9 people stuck in a mall with three stores and a front door. One store is a pharmacy which yields med kits. One store is a sporting goods store and that can give you ammo. The final store is a dollar store (my personal favorite) and yields nothing but debris that will be used to block the zombies. To get the goods, you have to have someone scrounge for them which means that anywhere from zero to nine men can be used to gather ammo, health, and debris. One person cannot do all three however because they can only be in one store at one time.

Now, the ammo is used to kill zombies. Duh. The med kits are used for health. Duh. The debris is used to slow down zombies. Duh. Now that you understand the importance of all three, you realize that all three are essential to survival. On top of this, you can upgrade your men to shoot faster, do more damage, take more damage, or scrounge better. You can also upgrade your debris to last longer. These upgrades cost ammo, health kits and debris. And you can level them up multiple times too. On top of this, each man is independent of the rest as far as upgrades so micromanaging is a must. You also get some Molotov cocktails that are like bombs and will clear a large area of zombies. You can upgrade that to do more area which is badass.

Armed with this knowledge, you have to survive. That is the only purpose of the game. If you upgrade too much too fast, you run out of ammo and can’t shoot. Or you run out of debris and the zombies just walk in and waste you. If you don’t upgrade fast enough, you will soon find yourself dead because the zombies become more powerful as time goes on. As you can see, the strategy factor starts to pile on very quickly. On top of all this is the cherry - where to place your men so that they can kill the quickest without putting themselves in too much danger.

I loved this game and thought it was brilliant. The graphics are simple but sufficient. The sound did not leave an impression on me so I loved it. The playability is through the roof. I have to admit that I spent way too much time on this game (hint: its more than 3 hours in my first sitting.) Was I satisfied when I got done? Hell yes because I wasted about four million zooks with my nine guys trapped in a mall. If that doesn’t make Leonides’s balls shrink up into his body, then he must get his drinks at Lesbos. Once you play the game, you will know what I mean and why you can easily spend 3 hours playing it without realizing it.

Game Score:

Graphics:		2
Sound:		5?
Fun Factor:		5
Satisfaction:		5
Total: