Cold Weather is aboot.
Scenario:
You live in the middle of the United States and its freaking cold outside. Seriously, it is 
like, 30 something outside all the time now and it was just 90 a few weeks ago. WTF is that all about anyway? I want some goddamn answers here. I am tired of playing by the Man’s rules and I want it to be warm and pleasant. Cough, Cough. Sorry, sometimes I get a little pissed off about how cold it is and how much I hate it. Anyway, its cold as week old shit and you are in the middle of a fucking zombie apocalypse. You are in a mall and are about to head out into the world on foot because the world ran out of gas. What do you do?
What you should do:
Make a list of important things that you need to have with you at all times. This is important because you are only going to have things with you at all times, nothing more and nothing less. There is no vehicle to help carry stuff and you need to survive long enough to reach warmer climates. Making a list will help eliminate emotion and maximize logic in what you take and what you don’t.
The obvious things on the lists are warm clothes. No, you don’t need more than one 
change of clothes so don’t even think about it. You need to make sure you have a couple of pairs of socks so that you can keep your feet warm and dry. This is important because Bear Grylls says so. Also, make sure you have a hat or some sort to keep your head warm. You will lose most of your body heat through your head, so stock up.
Once you have that figured out, work on the essentials. Don’t stock up on canned food and water like a moron. Get a map of the area so that you know where to find water and pick up some supplies to obtain your own food and cook it. I would suggest checking with anyone in the mall who is homeless. They know what you need to survive. A cooking tin, a pocket knife, some flint and a compass would be a great way to start. These are all very useful tools in the wild.
Once that is all said and done, get something good to eat and stuff yourself. It may be a few days before you can stop and set up a camp and have a nice meal. I would recommend taking some bread and cheese with you on your trip solely because it will stay edible for a long time and it will provide you with some carbs, fats, and proteins which are all necessary to stay not dead. Plus, it is simple and quick to prepare and it doesn’t weigh a lot like canned foods do.
What I would do:
Have you ever seen the movie Tremors? 
Well, that movie was based on my ability to tunnel through the ground like it was salt water. Being that this is completely true, I would simply bore into the earth where it is slightly warmer and tunnel my way to Florida. This would only take me a few days because I can move at a constant speed of 30 mph for about a month without stopping. I’m sure glad zombies can’t do that.
(Overall Rating: 4 out of 5)You need to be a registered member to rate this post.
Loading ...
November 21st, 2008 at 4:56 am
I’m in a mall with other survivors and it’s obnoxiously cold outside? I stay in the mall. This is important. in the mall i am at least marginally warmer, and have other survivors I can recruit to help barricade entrances and do other useful things. in the mall I can corral all the living to the upper levels, deactivate the elevators and escalators, and use the ground floor as a shooting-zombies-in-a-barrel game. in the mall, I can live pretty comfortably in the midst of a zombie apocalypse.
before our fuel reserves run out, I point out that we will need to make some kind of renewable fuel, and start growing fermentable plants in the various mall-plant-islands and making homemade ethanol, which is more commonly known as Moonshine. It’s a beverage, it’s a fuel, it’s paint remover… the stuff is as useful as duct tape.
November 21st, 2008 at 4:51 pm
You know what would help cut the cold?
Burning down the city.
Also tequila.
What can I say, when I get stuck on an idea I can’t let go. Duct tape kicks ass.
November 21st, 2008 at 5:20 pm
Matt’s ideas have inspired me to rethink my strategy. WIth a mall full of survivors and mall-stuff, I can equip a good raiding party to quickly clear and pillage a significant area surrounding the mall, and we can just go building by building, killing zombies, taking anything edible/flammable/otherwise-usable, and then burning it down so zombies will have fewer placest o hide.
Matt is a pyromaniacal genius. Tequila burns well. drinking in the cold just dilates the blood vessels in your skin, exposing more blood to the cold air and then pumping it inwards where it will refridgerate your internal organs, but whatever booze we don’t burn can be saved and imbibed when we return to the warmth of the mall, where we’re making moonshine to make sure that we don’t run out of booze and fuel.
November 22nd, 2008 at 9:51 pm
I prefer Vodka and I know its good during the winter because Russians drink it. I don’t think a Mexican would know what to do with snow.