A Crowded Interstate
Scenario:
Freedom. You’re cruising down the busy interstate after work, heading toward the city and laughing at the traffic jam that’s slowly headed out. The last Bette Midler CD is blasting on the stereo, you have a night of drinking ahead of you, and life is good. The car jerks violently and a loud crash shatters your reflective serenity and your car’s back windshield. You slow down, fighting the wheel to keep the car on the road, and look in your rearview mirror to see what the heck just happened. A body is on the ground, trying to get up. Then you notice the dozens of people jumping off the overpass as if to attack the cars passing below. But those aren’t people anymore… they’re zombies. What do you do?
What you should do:
Consider yourself lucky as hell. Not only did the zombie roll of the back of your car instead of rolling into your front seat, but you managed to get in front of the wave. The zombie infection has spread to massive 
proportions if they have reached the interstate and they must have no other victims in sight if they are dive-bombing traffic.
Another five minutes, or even thirty seconds, earlier and you would have been stuck behind the multi-car pileup that would have occurred when cars tried to avoid the falling bodies. What do you think would happen to the people that get out of their cars to try and help? What about the people who stay in their cars, gridlocked without weapons or a defensible position. I’m afraid the shit has just hit the fan, the interstates are clogged, and too late you realize that people aren’t leaving the city because it’s the end of the work day.1 Sadly, you’re still on the road into the city, into the maws of the beast, and you’ve been caught unawares.
As always, find a weapon. If you’re one of those who are too nervous to carry an arsenal in your car, then you’ll probably have to settle for a tire iron, but try and be creative and make the best of what you have. Then turn on the radio until you find something other than static and screaming. You need to find out where the zombies are. If there’s a safe way out by going forward an exit or two, you should take it, but you’ll need the news to let you know. Also, pay attention to military outposts or movements as they will provide a destination if you’re unable to move out on your own.
If you figure out a safe path, do what you have to do to get out alive, but be quick about it. While you’re listening to the radio, meat-bags are hitting the pavement behind you, and some of those are going to get up again. If you don’t have a safe path, you have to act even faster. The only way out that you know is relatively safe is the way you came in, though even that might not be so safe now. The problem is the barricade of zombies and burning wreckage between you and the accumulating traffic jam beyond.
Search out the weakest point in that barricade, turn your car around, and prepare for the imminent collision. Your best hope is that you find a weak spot near the edge and that you can push through with your car fast enough enough that zombies won’t fall like rain on your hood. Drive quickly, but be aware that you may be stunned or knocked unconscious by an impact at high speeds. If you make it through, your car will be practically useless. The clogged roads will be horrible, especially when people start panicking. Ditch the car and take off on foot, moving as quickly as you can.2
What I would do:
A lot of people don’t realize that the Japanese are engineering geniuses when it comes to cars. Somehow Toyota managed to squeeze an entire tank into the chassis of a Toyota Corolla, making the high MPG car almost invincible to attack. The only concession they made was the removal of the main cannon and auxiliary guns, leaving the car without a primary defensive mechanism.3 That is, except for my shotgun.
The good thing about wrecks is that there’s always a ramp of twisted metal somewhere, and the good thing about cars is that they always explode if you shoot them in the rump. Knowing this, I’d do a 180 and turn my car around, then slam on the gas toward that ramp. With the car hurtling toward certain flight, I’d turn around slightly and lean my shotgun out the window. The car would hit the ramp, sending me airborne over the zombie-crowded bridge, whereupon I would fire two rounds into the tail of two cars, causing the bridge to explode into a conflagration. That fire would purge the swath of zombies crowded amongst the lanes above and buy the people below a little more time.
Sadly, the Toyota would certainly crash and, even if it didn’t, would be useless in the traffic beyond. If you were lucky enough to escape too, you’d see me running ahead of you, shotgun sweeping every car along the way. Shit, that’s a long way to run. Good thing I’ve broken in my combat boots.
1 Drivers that turn into zombies whilst driving will likely be unable to wander about due to their seatbelts and the cage of the car itself. Still, don’t count on it.
2 Only warn people who are behind you so that no one gets in your way. It’s a cold, harsh world we live in. Zombies love philanthropists just as much as everyone else; they just can’t get enough of them.
3 Also, they replaced the treads with wheels, making it a little less capable of conquering terrain.
4 Hidden footnote: I don’t normally recommend a motorcycle, but this is one case in which it might be very useful. Try to steal one from someone who ran off or isn’t looking or something.
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July 10th, 2008 at 6:58 am
since the infection has spread to the interstates, things have gotten very bad over the course of an eight-hour workday and conserving ammunition would be a wise option. I refrain from shooting any cars or attempting any jumps, but do tune in to the radio and keep an eye out for military activity so the troops can direct me to safety (or at least someplace where i can get more weapons).
if the troops haven’t showed up yet, I look for an exit that will get me away from town, take some back-roads up into the mountains, and hole up in the basement of some vacated vacation house and make trips to little country stores for canned goods and ammunition.
July 10th, 2008 at 7:47 am
Just be careful that you don’t drive too far into the city looking for an exit. Usually the exits close to cities are surrounded by other cities, so it might not be easy to find one that will take you to some back roads.
However, one thing you might look for is a highly industrialized exit. Areas with a lot of industry are areas that usually lack a lot of residents, so there will be fewer people around to become zombies. Also consider that people at work won’t want to die at work, so when the news hits they’ll be flying out of the area like flies on a meteor. That means a low likelihood of a severe zombie infestation and a high probability of finding a way out aside from the interstate. Booyah.
July 11th, 2008 at 11:33 am
“Meatbags.” Heh. Knights of the Old Republic memories. Which makes me think that the lightsaber could be the ultimate zombie killing weapon, besides a nuclear weapon. If you can stand the smell of burning meat. Hell, it might be darkly comforting after a while! I want to see a movie with the sequence described in this. It would be B.A.!
July 11th, 2008 at 12:34 pm
Call your local representative and petition a movie be made with this scenario. I think it would be sweet as hell.
On the topic of lightsabers, I have often thought about how well they would kill zombies. If they were real, I’d totally own, like, five or six of them. The only thing to keep in mind is that the lightsaber has to go through the brain; you can’t just cut em down at the neck or whatever because then they are still “un-alive(?)” and could bite you.