We Hate Zombies

We have decided to start a new segment to the blog that applies our expertise in survival and zombie destruction to zombie games found lurking throughout the web. There are times when we become so enraged by the thought of zombies (because we hate em so much) that we have to find some sort of outlet, and there’s no better way to take out zombie-rage like playing a good game (with alcohol and a loaded gun). Also, zombie games usually involve killing zombies, and that’s good practice. Thing is, some of them suck and we end up breaking something, so listen to us as we share which games we think are great and which wouldn’t stop the rage if they injected you with a Valium cocktail.

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Title: ZombieLand - Bonesnap Blvd (click to play)
Style: Side Scroller
Source: Fukgames.com

The basic premise of this game is typical. Kill zombies. This is a side scroller, which means the screen moves from left to right at an even pace while you try and dispatch as many zombies along the way as you can. You start off with a nerf weapon but can upgrade to a shotgun (awesome), a saw (sweetness), or a flame thrower (it basically shoots fireballs that explode). If there are more weapons, I didn’t get any. Collect weapons by running your skateboard (wtf) over wooden crates. Collect hearts by running over vials or something. They actually remind me of those plastic bottles that banks use in their drive-thru areas. Weapons run on a time limit and appear to not have an ammo limit. As you kill zombies, you level up. As you level up, there are more enemies and more types that differ in strength. Get too close and they bite down on you and steal a heart. The game ends when you have no hearts left.  Blah blah blah… typical.

First, the shiny spots. The saw blade is an amazing weapon that lets you destroy the enemy by slicing them up as you skate by (gratifying!). But the most beautiful weapon of the game is actually a car. You can drive the car by picking up a key. The best way to describe it would be a car with a rotating blade on the front, not unlike a combine. It doesn’t last long, but you can do some serious damage. I need to rethink the grill on my Saturn. PS, this does not include the treacherous granny car.

The dirty spots are numerous. Being a side scroller with a character that is slow means that zombies go by unhurt. This is unacceptable. Also, one bite does not mean death which may instill a false sense of security to the more ignorant players. Zombie bites kill. They don’t just harm. They kill you dead. Also, there is an insane granny that drives through town, apparently unable to hit any zombies but very capable of hitting a boy on a skateboard. I know old people are a liability, but good lord. Finally, the sound. Whatever shitty music is playing in the background makes me want to hurl. It is annoying and it repeats.

Another thing that I hated about the game was the weapon system. It is purely time based instead of ammo based. This limits the amount of skill you can develope during the game. What is the point of being able to blast 2 zombies with one shotgun shell if you only get to keep the damn thing for five seconds. Good lord that is upsetting. On top of it all, I never beat the damn thing which means that I never save the world. I almost want to step in front of a granny car now.

Game Score:

Graphics:		3
Sound:		1
Fun Factor:		4
Satisfaction:		2
Total:

Rating (Overall Rating: 3 out of 5)
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This entry was written by Geoffrey and posted on Wednesday, July 2nd, 2008 at 7:00 am and is filed under Zombie Game Reviews. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.